we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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