I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
