my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
