i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
