Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
