I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
