I could make wine with my vomit
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
