Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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