I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
