He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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