I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
