cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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