it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize