Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
