OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
