some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
