he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
