last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
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Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
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I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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