I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize