my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
