Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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