if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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