I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
