Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
