I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize