after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
