Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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