you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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