I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
