I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's blow job season.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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