i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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