think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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