Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
