i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
