I hope mine doesn't look like that
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
