It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
