This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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