Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
how does that bad decision feel?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
