She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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