I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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