I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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