im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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