my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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