No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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