we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
