covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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