Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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