There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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