Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Drunk is a universal language darling
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
