end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My hand turned me down
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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