we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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