i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
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Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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