there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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