your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
