I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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