At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
