I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
