I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
