I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
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My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
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Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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