My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
