Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
