it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize