Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My pussy is not your playground.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Randomize
